Missing Confidence


Don’t even know if I have one. I’m just too shy to stay in the middle of the crowd. Or at least, I don’t want to be standing in between people. In front. And at the back. Uncomfortable. At the back of the crowd is the safest place where I can feel at ease. Being at the last row, with only the walls behind me, I experience the most comfortable feeling of all, the only spot where I can put myself in, a place where I can be myself, corners wherein I’m comfortable with myself. No worries of people looking at you. No paranoia. The more I’m forced to be in the middle of the crowd, the more disturbed I am. If we’d be talking about confidence here, mine is below sea level. I hold back what must be pushed through. I am always this afraid. I am always this small.


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