For seven months of working with these patients, I am still trying to develop my character towards everything. When I was still a nursing student, I was determined to learn all the procedures right because any wrong action could actually harm my patients in the near future. That was my biggest fear before that is why I studied really hard. But now that I am in a real hospital setting wherein I am responsible for every patient that I could encounter, I realized that what I need most in order to survive in the field is by simply having a heart for the profession. A heart for the profession, that is to accept. When you love what you are doing, you tend to accept everything in it. You value what this thing might bring you and might lead you into. You will learn to adapt, though you may not actually have to be under the influence of everything as you learn to become accustomed, which I think is the hardest part of it. How can I adapt without changing? In such mayhem, one might actually just want to win the heart of a bigger life form. What has been unacceptable to everybody’s judgment would become your personal judgment as well, though you know deep in your struggling conscience that a more ethical way of thinking is just hidden behind, waiting for a sound mind for it to be called out. While you try to please everybody, you lose a percentage of qualities that actually made you suitable for the profession in the first place. And as you try to ignore the remaining goodness in you, you’ll be misplaced in the world you thought you know very well. And while your whole being is being drowned from your own two-facedness, by the time you realize you’ve been working on a wrong path, you already lost what you have on hand years ago. You could adapt and change your ways, if you think it could lead to the best result to everyone on a certain situation. Change if you must, but leave the little goodness you’ve had in you though it is few. You can never replace goodness with another one. You could only learn another one.
I never realized that working could be all this challenging because what really poses a great danger to my starting career is the character I am trying to develop now. Building a character is a difficult task, especially when your environment calls you to go with the flow. I thought that I have obtained a stronger heart after all the hardships I’ve encountered when I was still a student. I am now aware that it is not enough to think a million times before you act. I have to put a heart to it. A lot of people say that when you do that, you could not survive in the field, that this field requires a much braver or should I say, harder heart. I don’t believe in that. Putting a heart to this profession doesn’t mean you are weak. Goodness may not always lead you into fame but it will always lead you to what is morally right. Sometimes, goodness will get you into trouble but that is the best thing we could ever do.
This is exactly what these patients need the most especially in times they feel they are left out with nothing but the complaints of pain by which their own body is inflicting upon them. We could always learn the procedures at hand; we could always provide them with all the medical remedies our world has to offer… but how we attend to these suffering patients with respect and utmost care, maintain a sound and harmonious relationship with people and especially co-workers on work and especially in tough times, and how we are able to maintain the ATTITUDE towards everything make every learning and life encounter worthwhile. That is the essence of becoming a nurse.