Day by day, I walk through walls of false shame and uncertainty, hoping that each day would pass easily, and things would eventually be lighter to bear. I taste a bit of bitterness everyday. It feels like breaking down and getting lost, and getting lost and breaking down all over again. Just like a cycle, only that you couldn’t escape until you find the way out of it. All means are uncomfortable, and you need to deal with all the discomforts despite being broken and lost all at the same time. To believe that days will just past without causing you harm. To believe that people would still be people, and trust may still be given despite the insincerity and deceit. Everything is hard but it is at least worthy to give it a try. Maybe the fact that I still have to stand for myself despite of everything keeps me sane because at the end of the day, I will only have myself to defend. It is hard when people hurt you. It hurts more when you know you don’t have anyone around to keep you. And what hurts the most is knowing that even the nearest persons whom you love will never be the persons who’ll fight for you. I know I have to move on with life, continue to bear the unbearable and learn from mistakes. I have to go on, even though it means going on alone. I might cry a thousand more tears but it’s okay. It will always be okay. And it will always be fine to deal with life’s ups and downs, purposely made by dirty-headed people or not, and be drowned in a million possibilities and uncertainties if it means learning myself more and more.
I can get through.